Dirty Water

I asked a whore
what was happiness?
she told me to give her twenty dollars and she gets me closer to it
I asked a crack addict pissing in the street
what was the answer?
he said he only finds it in smoke and mirrors
I asked my reverend
why does love hurt?
he said because homosexuals can't love
I asked the grave digger
does god exist?
he said he dies everyday
I asked the bigot
why does he hate
he said because no one is perfect
I asked my mother
why does she drink dirty water?
she said because daddy doesn't come home and it has no reflection
I asked the mirror why we question
it said because we are afraid to die.

********
Blue
(age 20, 1995)

I thought I'd write you a letter
about blue rain
that bathed me
under a clear blue sky
and how it healed me.

I thought I close my eyes
and just remember the times
of a blurred osculation
the symphony of cacophonies of laughs
and the burning smiles
that aches at me at night
and I want fight them
anymore.

I thought I run
far
away from that reflection
I see everywhere
away from those eyes
that stares
away from this
the remiss
pain, rain and anger
the truth
You
Me
Blue.

I thought I buy a gun
and kill happiness
kill love
because it was the malice of heaven
the reminded me I existed on earth
the patronizing twisting of the knife in my heart
the slap in the face
when I'm alone
the blows to the side
when I think I've grown
and the weakness of the knees
when I try to walk away
I can't
leave
Blue
You.

So I come undone
Three times a week
as I violently shower in bleach
try to scrub you away from me
wash away the immaculate poetry
of how soft love was
is
the innocence
this
You
me
Blue
healing
standing in blue rain
bathing in blue tears
under a clear blue sky
laughing
wanted to feel a song
write you a song
but all I could think is blue
cool, mellow blue
sad, abstruse blue
blue for you
terribly missing you
and I can still feel
the footprints on my soul
you drew
still wanting to hold
blue
will always love
You.