Pissed off at 3 in the morning

Most days i'm still a fostercare kid. Most days, I'm stilll angry.

I have this story of that whore my father fucked, betrayed my mother. Some say my father got my mother on drugs. And that’s why my mother abandoned me. So there is this bitch, her name was Stephanie, not a bad human being, after my father got himself killed and my mother was decided correctly unfist, I had go into the system. Steph was one of the few people who took pity on me and visited me in foster care. But she made false promises. She would say that she would take me to places. She made so many false promises. But I was a trusting kid. Funny how much hasn’t changed as I got older. Every time she made a promise I would get myself dressed up; plan my day and sit on the curb. People told me i was a fool. Steph was a crackhead, her promises didn't mean shit. She never showed, each every time she had some different excuse. Everybody used to tell me I was an idiot to wait on Stephanie. I said she was the mother of my half sister, why would she play with my feelings. The last time Stephanie didn’t show up after a promise, changed my entire life. I remember, I was eleven years old. We were supposed to go to the carnival. She promised. I believed. She didn’t show. And when she came to me the next day with a teddy bear, I bitched slapped her. I tried to kill her. You can’t play with people feelings.

I write this because I still don’t understand adults. Why it that some of us think everybody is is on our personal time. I say, if something comes up, and you need time, don’t act like some greedy teenager where you need to try to do everything. Be polite and allow others the space to make different plans. I write this specifically. I hate when gay men try to treat other gay men like women. I know what you are doing, and personally, my feelings aren’t hurt. I don’t believe in games, because I know there is something behind the lie.

Some people say I am a bitch, abrasive, nontrusting, I say I am nobody‘s fucking fool. .I know the best and worst of human-beings. I know people who are so honest they are punished. I know liars who are so good they are rewarded. To be honest, is so damn hard because you are marginalized, told you aren’t romantic. Funny how Romanism is correlated to lies.

I am so damn honest, I am not romantic anymore. I used to tell lies, it made me more appealing. I stopped and now I feel stupid. Maybe I should go back to telling more lies.